


Blood On His Hands

by Karowki



Category: The Newsroom (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Injury Recovery, Islamabad, Pre-Series, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27675857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karowki/pseuds/Karowki
Summary: Mac raised her hand to signal to the marine that she was heading back to him when a white hot pain seared into her stomach. The crush of people continued on, jostling and ramming into her but all Mac could pay attention to was the pain. She clutched beneath her ribs with both hands and as she looked down she could see the blood flooding across her fingers. Slowly her legs gave way beneath her and Mac slumped down the wall to the floor.
Relationships: Will McAvoy/MacKenzie McHale
Comments: 21
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First in a set of works, each with a 'what if' question. 
> 
> ~~
> 
> What if Will found out at the time that Mac had been injured.

MacKenzie McHale and James Harper had been on the ground in Pakistan for months for CNN, sending in news reports whenever they were able to digging into every possible story in order to give the public the best information on the conflicts happening all around them. Two days ago they’d heard the first murmurings of a large protest gathering in Islamabad and they had lobbied the marines assigned to them to get a truck from the army base they were stationed on into the city. Mac caught Jim’s eye with a grin as she left the Staff Sergeant’s tent and he fell into step beside her.   
  
“We’re going?”   
  
“Yup, although the compromise was Sammy and Kyle get to tag along with us. They’ve promised to be as low contact as they can so that we can get some good footage and interviews though.”   
  
The pair walked quickly into the bunkhouse to grab their gear and fifteen minutes later they were in a truck racing across the desert and into the city. The next morning they were out of the hotel before the sun and following a tip off which had the main protest congregating around the largest of the city’s mosques. Their camera guy had linked up with them, a local guy named Khalid that they’d used a few times before who had promised to follow them closely and had brought his younger brother along as an interpreter.   
  
It’s mid-August in Pakistan and so even though it’s 7am in the morning the sun was intense and the heat was already coming up off the ground in waves so that the air started to blur in front of Mac’s eyes. The two marines tailed them all closely, keeping eyes out on the crowds that had started to form in front of them.   
  
“I guess the tip was good, looks like this is where it’s starting.” They stood against one of the neighbouring buildings observing the mass of people. Khalid had already captured some brief interviews on film with some of the more talkative men in the square outside the mosque, it turned out that once they were shown American press credentials the majority of people were happy to talk to Mac on camera.   
  
Within moments the escort had come in closer and Sammy was whispering in Mac ear as he tried to start herding them away.   
  
“The crowd’s changed, you can tell as well as I can Mac, we need to leave.”  
  
“GIve us five more minutes Sam, please. People need to know what’s happening here and we’re the only ones reporting it!” She was right and the private reluctantly agreed. Mac and Jim were the only news reporter’s that they’d seen covering the protests in recent months, there had been no sign of BBC, CBS or AP on the ground with them at all and Mac wasn’t going to let it go to waste. She grabbed Khalid and moved closer to the Mosque.   
  
“Let’s see if we can get some shots of the crowds before we get out of here.” She knew that there was far more anger in the air than they’d anticipated even knowing that it was a frustrated protest from Shiite’s across the city, but you could feel the tension and anger in the chanting that had started up moments before and the numbers in the square seemed to have tripled in the past few minutes. The crowds were starting to swell, gathering in momentum before they erupted outwards and people suddenly started flooding in every direction.   
  
Mac was used to hearing gun fire but in the enclosed space of the square and surrounded by buildings it was sharper and louder and she jumped. Immediately the marines were calling for them, heading out to them but the crowds reached them first. The shots had spoked the crowds and the intensity had overspilled, turning a large and loud protest into the beginnings of a riot. Mac was shoved past and she stumbled into the wall behind her, she raised her hand to signal to Kyle that she was heading their way when a white hot pain seared into her stomach. The crush of people continued on, jostling and ramming both Mac and Khalid but all Mac could pay attention to was the pain. She clutched beneath her ribs with both hands and then looked down to see blood flooding across her fingers as her legs gave way beneath her and she slumped down the wall to the floor.   
  
The moment that Jim lost sight of Mac in the crowd he ripped free of Sammy’s grip on his shirt and dove through the crush of people to get to her.   
  
“MAC!” He can barely hear his own shout over the sound of the crowds around them, but somehow he manages to ram his way through. He’s small and wiry and the marines they’ve been stationed for the past few months with have shown him a thing or two. Khalid is nowhere to be found, not surprisingly but his heart stops when he sees Mac, crumpled on the ground with her hands pressed desperately to her side. She’s managed to bunch up her shirt under her fingers but he can see the blood seeping through and he’s cold at the sight. Within seconds he’s lifted her into his arms, Sammy and Kyle are behind and they are every inch the US marines that you see in the news as they force a path through.   
  
The next few minutes are a blur as he carries her through the city and back to the hotel. The lobby has cleared out, everyone knows what’s exploding through the city streets and they can still hear the noise and gun shots even though they’re in the opposite direction. He lays her down on one of the sofas and begins to do the best he can. There’s no medic here, it’s just him and his basic first aid skills which he never thought he’d have to use in a situation like this. As he’s peeling the layers of shirt away, grabbing a water bottle to rinse it and get an idea of what’s happened she feebly grabs his wrist.   
  
“Jim…” Her voice is raspy and quiet and he grips onto her hand, trying to offer the best comfort he can.  
  
“It’s ok Mac, it’s gonna be ok. I’ve got you, and I can….” He’s babbling now but he’s scared and there’s so much blood and he doesn’t know what to do.   
  
“If something…….something happens…..Jim. I need you to, need you to make some calls.”   
  
“Mac no, please, it’s ok, it’s going to be ok.”  
  
“Promise me Jim, promise me……..call my dad?”  
  
“Ok, ok. I’ll call him as soon as we get you some help. I promise.”  
  
“Charlie.” The last word is a murmur and he doesn’t understand who she means but he ignores it for now in favour of putting pressure on the wound and hoping that help gets to them soon. 


	2. Chapter 2

Kyle has radioed for a medic team to get ready at the base and reports back that it’s been passed up the line, there’s an airlift fueling back at the base that will fly Mac out to Landstuhl. They somehow manage to get her as stable as they can and out to the truck where Jim is shoved into the driver’s seat. He looks at the two marines in confusion but he’s told curtly that he has to drive so that they can watch the roads. The protest has become a full on riot and they need to leave quickly, covering their backs as they do.   
  
It’s not a long drive back to the base but it’s an age for Jim at the wheel, praying every second that it’s not making Mac any worse. She’s completely out of it, whether from the pain or the blood loss he doesn’t but he refuses to think about the injury and he just tries to get them back in one piece.   
  
Back at the base it’s a blur of activity, the Staff Sergeant that gave them the ok to go is ashen as he barks orders, he knows that a civilian’s blood is on his hands now. Jim knows that Mac was well liked across the base so this will be hitting the marines harder than other incidents that have happened because of reckless reporters and careless decisions made in the field. Mac is immediately taken by a medical team who prep her for the flight to Germany and as Jim is slumped by the truck, hands on his knees just trying to get air into his lungs, he is grabbed and shoved towards the plane. He spends the entire flight there sat by Mac’s side with one of her hands clasped in his, barely able to think. All he can see is the blood seeping through his fingers as he tried to keep her alive. That memory plays on repeat for the hours that they’re in the air, as soon as they touch down he flees out of the plane and throws up immediately in the grass by the runway.   
  
It’s only in the ambulance on the way from the air base to the hospital that he digs out his phone and makes the call to Mac’s parents in London. He’s lost track of time but it looks like daylight outside so it can’t be too bad a time for them and after a few rings a deep male voice answers the phone.   
  
“McHale speaking.”  
  
Jim’s throat seizes up and he can’t get any words out.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Ambassador McHale, sir.” Jim’s voice croaks out.   
  
“Yes.” the reply is curt and Jim can hear the annoyance in her father’s tone. He clears his throat and tries again.   
  
“My name’s James Harper, sir. I’ve been on the ground with MacKenzie for the past eighteen months….” There’s a pause as Jim tries to find the right words and he hears a heavy sigh.   
  
“What’s happened?” It’s the resignation in his voice, like he was just waiting for this call and it breaks Jim’s heart. He knows that Mac’s been more careless than he would have liked for her own safety but it’s never been something he really worried about, figuring that she needed to get it out of her system after whatever had happened in DC with her ex.   
  
“We were covering a protest in Pakistan and Mac was hurt, she’s been flown to Landstuhl and we’re driving to the hospital now.” It’s not as much as it should be, but it’s all he can get out right now as they pull into the road leading to the hospital entrance.   
  
“Are you with her, son?”  
  
“Yes, sir.”  
  
“Is it serious?” Jim’s silence is all the answer her father needs. He pauses and then speaks again, emotion is gone from his voice and he’s all business.   
  
“Thank you for calling James, leave things with me. We’ll be with you soon.” There’s a click as he hangs up and Jim is grateful to not have an awkward goodbye. He’s not surprised that they’re flying out immediately, whilst not in the diplomatic corps any longer he knows that Mac’s family still has connections and will charter a plane within an hour to get to Mac’s side. The call finishes just as they pull up and the EMTs start unloading Mac onto a gurney. Jim stays with her as long as he can, trotting alongside them as they make their way through the hospital but once they go through the doors into surgery he’s left behind. A nurse shows him to the room that Mac’s been allocated and he slides down the wall outside the door, legs unable to hold him up anymore and he starts shaking.   
  
It’s over an hour later before he remembers the second call that Mac asked him to make and he shoots a text message to their boss at CNN asking who Charlie is in relation to Mac. It’s a few minutes before Rob replies with contact details for Charlie Skinner, President of ACN. With fingers that are still trembling he dials the number and waits. It’s late afternoon in Germany so it’s likely morning in New York, hoping that he can just leave a message but knowing that if Mac told him the name he should make the effort to talk to the man in person.   
  
Eventually he’s put through a switchboard and then an assistant who puts him on hold whilst she checks if she can out him through. Finally a friendly voice comes down the phone and it’s all Jim can do to hold himself together.   
  
“Mr Skinner, sir? My name’s Jim Harper, I’m MacKenzie’s producer.”   
  
The voice changes suddenly at the tone of voice he’s not able to mask, at how his words are cracking and he can barely breathe.   
  
“How bad is it?”   
  
Somehow the matter of fact question helps to calm Jim, he’s able to say what happened without focusing too much on thinking about it. He tries to sugar coat it but his mind won’t let him say anything less than the truth, he’s just so damn tired and he can’t play games. He’s brutal with the facts, let’s him know that Mac’s family are on their way and then once Charlie asks, tell’s him the room number that Mac’s been given. Assumes that he’ll be sending something for Mac, must be a good friend although Mac’s never mentioned him. Not that it’s saying much, they avoid talking about Mac’s old jobs and Jim figures that’s how she knows the president of a network well enough for him to be the second call in the event of her being hurt.   
  
Two hours later and Mac still isn’t out of surgery. Jim hasn’t moved from his spot on the floor, he’s on the edge of exhaustion but he can’t let his eyes close until he knows she’s out. Needs to know that she’s safe. Footsteps sound along the corridor towards him and he twists quickly to look but his hopes are dashed when it’s not a doctor coming in his direction and he slumps back again.   
  
“James Harper?”   
  
Jim’s eyes flicked up to the man and woman who had stopped by his feet. Blinking he registered the hand that was being offered to him.   
  
“Shit. Ambassador.” Scrambling to his feet Jim shook the hand that was still extended and suddenly became aware of how he looked. He was still in his borrowed army shirt from one of the marines, a blood soaked t-shirt was underneath and his hands and forearms were covered in dried blood. Mac’s blood.   
  
“David McHale. Is she still in surgery?”   
  
“Yes, sir. They said you could wait in the room for her to come out though.” Jim couldn’t meet her mother’s eyes so he focused on the Ambassador’s instead, somehow it was easier to look her father in the eye. “There are seats in there, you’ll be comfortable sir. They said there should be an update in an hour or so.”   
  
Her father tried to bring him into the room with them but Jim gently pulled his arm back. He can’t, can’t face the idea of sitting with them, making small talk although he knows he should. But all he can see is Mac lying under his hands and he can’t face them, not yet. Not until he knows something more. David nodded in understanding, he ushered his wife inside and then walked to the nearest nurses station. He paused, murmured quietly to an attendant and then walked away. He came back moments later with two stacked cups of tea and a bottle of water which he silently handed to Jim who had slumped back into his position on the floor. He gripped Jim's shoulder briefly before heading inside to sit with his wife. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Charlie put the phone down and had to grip the back of his office chair to stop his hands shaking. The idea of Mac being hurt made him feel ill, she was his protege and there weren’t words for how much she meant to him. But now he needed to work out how to break the news to Will. For all the man’s posturing and bluster, Charlie knew that absolutely nothing had changed since he had thrown over his relationship with her and that Will had been hurting for over two years. This was enough to push him over the edge he had been teetering on and there was nothing that Charlie could do about it. He briefly thought about simply hiding the news from Will but quickly dismissed that thought, it wasn’t fair to them both and he owed MacKenzie more than that.   
  
He called out to his assistant to put the call in for Will to come up and then sat at his desk, resting his hands on its surface trying and failing to stop the shaking. Ten minutes later and Will wandered through the open door to stand in front of Charlie’s desk, hands on his hips as he stared down at Charlie.   
  
“What’s going on Charlie, I was barely through the door when Angela called me summoning me here.”  
  
Charlie stood and moved to his drinks cabinet set into the wall and poured them both a generous glass of Johnnie Walker Black Label. He handed one to Will and sat back down.   
  
“Isn’t it a bit early, even for you?”   
  
“Just drink it.” Charlie’s voice was flat and emotionless as he lifted the glass in a toast towards Will before knocking it back and drinking the quadruple measure in one swallow. Will cast a worried glance over his boss before doing the same. He lowered the glass to the desk and took a seat by the window.   
  
“What’s going on Charlie?”   
  
“There’s been an incident in the Middle East. Someone we know.” The words were enough for Will’s fists to clench at his sides although somehow he managed to keep his face neutral. “There was a protest in Islamabad, but then the protest became a riot and one of the news crews covering had to be evacced out. There was an injury and they’ve been airlifted to Landstuhl.” At the mention of the military hospital Will’s face drained of all colour, he knew as well as anyone that an airlift there meant that something serious had happened, not just a street brawl with angry protesters.   
  
“Is she….” he couldn’t finish the sentence, couldn’t force the words out and so he looked wildly at Charlie, needing to hear the rest.   
  
“It’s critical. She was stabbed in the stomach, they’re operating now but they don’t know if she’ll make it.” There was nothing Charlie could do to ease hearing the news, it was brutal and quick but over quickly and Will sat there staring at him as if he hadn’t heard. “Will? You still with me?”  
  
“Mac.” He breathed her name softly, anguish covering his face as his head sunk to his hands. Charlie let him sit there for several minutes before coming round the desk to him and pulling him up and into his arms. Despite the height difference Will sagged into his arms, clutching onto Charlie like a lifeline. “She can’t, she can’t leave Charlie. She just can’t.” Will’s voice was rough, catching on the tears that he refused to let fall.   
  
He couldn’t imagine a world with her in it. The past two years had been hell without her, despite his anger at her betrayal. Learning how to live, how to do everything without her, it had been torture. He was angry, he could still feel the pain of the words she had said but it had been his words that had driven her away, had sent her over the sea into a war zone. This blood was firmly on his hands and it tore him apart.   
  
Somehow he managed to take strength from Charlie’s arms around him enough to stand up and breathe somewhat normally. He refilled his glass and, tossing it back, grabbed his blackberry and immediately started firing emails to his assistant. He headed for the door as he did, turning his head briefly to Charlie,  
  
“I’m going, the next plane out if I can. I have to be there.” Charlie nodded his understanding and picked up the phone to start arranging anchor cover for the next few days.   
  
~~  
  
The surgery ended up being five hours long and there were no updates for the trio of anxious people waiting to hear. Jim didn’t move from his spot on the floor until finally a doctor approached the room, clearing her throat. Jim scrambled to his feet and followed her into the room where Mac’s parents were waiting, hands clasped together between their chairs, faces pale and drawn.   
  
“She’s out of surgery,” the woman wasted no time in getting to the pertinent information for the family, although she cast several sidelong glances at Jim, “I’m sorry but it should really only be family here, there are visiting…” but she was cut off by Mac’s father who raised a hand to stop her.   
  
“He’s family. Please continue.” Immediately her face cleared and she turned her attention back to the parents. 

  
  
The knife entered and exited cleanly but there was a lot of internal damage to her organs which is why the surgery took as long as it did. She’s in recovery now and should be stable enough to bring back here in the next hour or so, but she is unlikely to regain consciousness before the morning. We anticipate a full recovery and so whilst we understand the situation, we would strongly advise you to get some sleep in your hotel Mr McHale. We can have someone message you as soon as she shows signs of coming round and you can still be here when she wakes up.”  
  
The Ambassador nodded and rose to his feet to shake the doctor’s hand.   
  
“Thank you doctor, we’re only staying a few minutes away so we’ll do as you advise. Is there a number we can contact in the meantime?” She quickly wrote down a number on a scrap of paper torn from her clipboard and handed it to him.   
  
“This is my cell, I’m on call until 9am tomorrow morning and I strongly suspect that we’ll call before then but if you need anything then please feel free to get in touch.”  
  
“Thank you again, Doctor?”  
  
“Stauffer.”   
  
She nodded to them all and left the room. Mac’s father helped his wife into her coat and then stepped towards Jim.   
  
“Can I have your number, son? In case we need to get hold of you for anything?”   
  
Wordlessly Jim wrote down his cell number on the other side of the paper scrap and handed it back. As they left, the Ambassador gripped Jim’s shoulder.   
  
“Remember to get some sleep James, will you be alright?” Jim couldn’t meet his eyes.   
  
“I’ll just stay a little longer, sir.”   
  
“I understand.” One last squeeze on his shoulder and then were gone, leaning against each other as they went.   
  
Jim stepped back to lean against the wall and slide down to the floor. He couldn’t leave, couldn’t go without seeing her for himself, seeing that she was ok. That the images of her in his mind weren’t the last that he would have. Reassurances weren’t enough, he had to see it for himself.   
  
Just under thirty minutes later there was a rattling sound from the corridor and a bed was slowly wheeled in and positioned against the far wall. Doctor Stauffer followed it in and after checking her vital signs and making some notes on Mac’s chart and checking vital signs turned to leave when she spotted Jim. The story was not a common one, most soldiers that she treated were brought in alone and family came later, she rarely treated civilians and even more rarely had to deal with people like Jim. But she recognised the pain in him in an instant, the man hadn’t even had time or noticed his arms or clothes and she made a mental note to ask one of the orderlies to find him a spare shirt before McHale’s parents returned in the morning.   
  
Once the room had emptied she grabbed a chair from beneath the window and dragged it over to sit beside the bed, then approaching Jim gently helped him to his feet and led him to the chair.   
  
“She’s going to be ok.”   
  
Jim didn’t notice any of this. He didn’t register the doctor, or even standing and making his way to sit down next to Mac, he just saw her. Lying there in that bed, small and pale and so unlike the Mac that he knew. But her breathing was strong and the monitor beeped faintly beside her with her heartbeat and he knew, finally, that maybe she would be ok. Immediately it was like a dam had broken inside him, he leant forward to rest his head in his hands and let himself cry.   
  
~~  
  
It was a long twelve hours between walking out of Charlie’s office in New York and the taxi arriving at US Military Hospital. He didn’t have a ‘go’ bag like most of his producers and so he had grabbed his bag and laptop from his office and then simply jumped in the first cab available outside ACN and phoned his assistant en route to book him on the next available flight out of JFK to Frankfurt. He bought some essentials at the airport whilst he waited to board and then downloaded his archived folder of emails onto his hard drive. He had then spent the entire seven hour flight reading each and every one of the emails that Mac had sent him since she left. The last one was dated three days ago and she talked animatedly about the protest she and her producer were hoping to cover.   
  
_‘He’s young but you’ll like him Billy, you guys have the same taste in music and he plays like you do. I seem to attract musicians!’  
  
_ _‘Spent the last few nights in a cave up in the mountains, we had to wait whilst some rebels were searching the villages we were hoping to visit. It’s cold up here at night, makes you realise what we have back home, not sure I’ll ever take a mattress for granted again.’  
  
_ _‘It’s good work we’re doing here Billy, but I miss you. I miss us.’  
  
_ There were hundreds of them to read through, every aspect of her life out in the middle east since she had embedded over two years before. The early ones were the hardest to read, full of anguish and apology and regret. Hate directed at herself, and the idea that maybe doing something worthwhile could help her ‘atone’ for her actions and it made his heart break. Maybe it was the time that had passed but he managed to read through one of the first which was a long apology and explanation which he hadn’t been able to bear listening to. All he could think of at the time was the pain of her betrayal and nothing else mattered. Two long years alone seemed to help take the words in without the vitriol that came from her standing in front of him. He wasn’t sure how he would react seeing her in person but he couldn’t honestly say that his anger was still there and directed fully at her anymore. There was a creeping fear that he had been to blame at the end, not for her actions but for how he had treated her and the cold vice that had clamped around his heart as he watched her break in front of him.   
  
Somehow he managed to get his legs moving, he paid the driver and slowly unfolded out of the car, stretching his neck and limbs after so long sitting down. Seven hours on the plane and another two in the cab and he was reminded that he was no longer as young and spry as he liked to think he was, even with his baseball injuries. Shaking it off, Will walked into the main entrance, even at 3am the reception desk was manned by a nurse and he quickly got directions to Mac’s room. Then, quicker than he would have like, he was standing outside it, the door open and the lights bright inside. He took a long and slow deep breath and stepped inside.   
  
He saw Mac instantly, a small figure lying motionless in the bed and he collapsed into the door jamb at the sight of her. He hadn’t let himself think too much about any potential scenarios but the fear that she could have been lost to him had gripped him since that moment in Charlie’s office and seeing her alive was enough to drive him to his knees if he hadn’t caught himself on the door. Slowly stepping into the room Will noticed the figure slumped in the chair next to her. It was a young guy, completely out of it by the look of him but as Will stepped closer to him nausea began to rise in his throat. He was covered in a dark stain across his clothes and up both of his arms. Blood. He was covered in Mac’s blood. He had been there, he had gotten her out, and he hadn’t bothered to care about himself since then if his current state was anything to go on. Will assumed that he must be the young producer Mac had written about and he was struck by a sense of obligation and debt to the man.   
  
Careful to step past the sleeping man Will made his way to Mac’s other side and gently took her hand. It was warm in his and the touch of her skin was enough to bring the tears he had been keeping at bay to his eyes. He stared down at her, reaching up to brush some hair across her forehead and felt the clamp around his chest start to loosen. She was alive. That was all that mattered. He knew that there were things he needed her to hear from him but they could come much later. It was enough that she was alive and that he was here with her.   
  
Hesitant to move anything for fear of waking the sleeping man by her side Will went to sit on the floor where he could still see Mac. He rested his head on the wall behind him and contented himself with just staring at her face.  
  
He didn’t know how long he had sat there when a doctor walked in quietly to check on Mac. She reached for the notes and after satisfying herself of Mac’s state she gently shook the young man awake.   
  
“She’ll likely wake up in a few hours, you might want to clean up before Ms McHale’s parents return.”  
  
Shaking the sleep from his brain the man’s face went pale as he looked down and blanched at his hands and arms. Will could see that he hadn’t really processed anything yet and so the sight of her blood covering him was starting to send him into a jittery mess. Standing up quickly he stepped forward and slung an arm around the shaking guy.   
  
“I’ve got a spare shirt, come on dude. Let’s get you sorted.” The doctor nodded in agreement and Jim let himself be led away to the nearest bathroom in a daze. They didn’t speak as Jim stripped to his waist and washed as much of the blood off of his arms and chest where it had soaked through as he could. Will handed him a tshirt and a JFK sweatshirt to wear and after donning them he held his hand out to Will.   
  
“Jim Harper, thanks.”  
  
“Will, and it’s no problem. You’re the one who called Charlie, and her parents?”   
  
“Yeah. Wait, Will. Are you Mac’s Billy? Are you the…”  
  
“Yeah, that’s me.” Will held the confused gaze for a moment before reaching for the door. “We should get back, in case she wakes up.”  
  
Back in Mac’s room Jim sat down in the same chair and Will stood leaning against the wall, not letting himself relax in case the exhaustion of travel and worry got the better of him. Jim fell asleep quickly, the comfort of clean clothes and Mac’s face in front of him that had a little more colour to it lulling him into a doze. But he was started awake when Mac’s parents came back into the room. Both seemed startled to see Will standing there but her father nodded gravely to him and shook his hand as they passed. They drew up chairs on the other side of Mac’s bed and settled in to wait. Her mother took Mac’s hand in her own and gently held it, thumb softly rubbing circles on the back of her hand.   
  
It wasn’t much longer before Mac’s eyelids started to flutter, the bright lights finally starting to draw her out of her post operation slumber. Another twenty minutes and her eyes slowly blinked open. Immediately she focused on the tall figure against the wall past the foot of the bed. She narrowed her eyes, trying to clear her vision until they widened in surprise and shock before a sleepy smile came across her face.   
  
“Hi Billy.” 


	4. Chapter 4

“Hi Billy.”  
  
If it wasn’t for the beeping of machines, the dull ache that she felt in every muscle and the disconcerting feeling that she wasn’t where she was supposed to be, MacKenzie would have thought the dream was pretty wonderful. He was there. He was right there in front of her. Which was how she knew that she was dreaming. It was a bit different to the other dreams where Will was there, which either involved her waking up in a cold sweat after reliving some of his words to her but unable to say anything in response as he turned and faded away or were bittersweet memories of happy times. She hated the second type more than the first, she’d wake up with a smile and a contented feeling and then the real world would come crashing down within seconds of opening her eyes as she realised that it wasn’t her life anymore and she wasn’t going to see him look at her like that again.   
  
But that was how dream-Will was looking at her now. A kind smile that was all hers and soft eyes that looked at her as if she was the only woman in the world. That was the dream-Will she had in front of her now, standing there with those eyes that she just could drown in.   
  
She lay there, happy just to smile at him and have him there in her dream with her. No shouting, not memories to be replayed, just the two of them looking into the other’s eyes. After a few long moments the beeping became too loud and annoying to ignore and Mac shook her head to clear it. The pain that shot through her skull was enough to bring her fully awake and she looked down at the wires that hooked her up to machines next to her bed, then to the side where her parents sat with tears in their eyes.   
  
“Dad? Mum?” They both smiled at her, her mother was holding her hand and she gently squeezed it.   
  
“Welcome back Kenzie” Her mother replied softly.   
  
Mac swallowed hard as she slowly turned her head to the other side and looked at Jim. Seeing his face brought memories sharply back into focus and she flinched at the pain. His face was pained as he leant forward to take her other hand.   
  
“I’m sorry Mac.” His voice cracked as he said the words and he closed his eyes tightly, trying to force the memories and images away.   
  
There was movement as Will pushed away from the wall and walked out of the room, Mac’s eyes tracked him as he left and as he left her sight she clutched Jim’s hand back.   
  
“Why…...how? Is that definitely…..?” She couldn’t force her brain to finish a sentence, there was too much weight in her mind, clouding her thoughts as she tried to make some sense of things.   
  
“We airlifted out about 10am yesterday, I called your parents and Charlie around 5pm after we’d arrived here.”  
  
“We chartered a plane as soon as your father was off the phone with James, darling.” Her mother’s voice was heavy with emotion and Mac couldn’t bear to turn back to them so she kept her eyes on Jim as he carried on.   
  
“Wi….he got here maybe 5 hours ago, around 3am this morning.”   
  
They were interrupted by Doctor Stauffer who came briskly into the room and proceeded to check Mac over, testing for cognitive ability and her memory although she avoided questions directly relating to how Mac was in the hospital. After satisfying herself that Mac was doing as expected the doctor stepped away.   
  
“Your body’s been through a lot Ms McHale, you should try and get some more sleep. I’m sure your visitors won’t mind.”  
  
Her mother leant forward to press a kiss to Mac’s forehead. She stroked Mac’s hair away from her face and smiled down at her.   
  
“Sleep, Kenzie. We’ll be here when you wake up.”   
  
Mac looked up at both of her parents and smiled back at them, tiredness etched into her face. Slowly her eyes drifted shut and she fell back into sleep, hand still loosely holding her mother’s. Leaving her side, Mac’s father walked around the bed to Jim and handed him a hotel key.   
  
“We’re staying at the HRC hotel just over the road from the main entrance, it didn’t look like either of you had anything with you so we got you a room reserved for the next few days. Why don’t you go and get some shut eye, son? She’ll be alright here and we’ll call if there’s any change. You need to let yourself rest.”  
  
Jim stared wide-eyed at the Ambassador and the hand holding the key card out to him.   
  
“Sir! I couldn’t possibly…..” but he was interrupted.   
  
“She’s here thanks to you, James. It was the least we could do. Go, and come back when you feel more human. She’ll likely just sleep for most of the day as it is.”   
  
Jim didn’t have the energy to try and stop his emotions from showing on his face as he took the key from her father and shook his hand firmly.   
  
“Thank you, sir. I appreciate it. Please, call me if there’s anything at all that changes.”   
  
The Ambassador gently ushered Jim from the room before returning to his seat next to his wife, looking up at Will came back. He watched as Will took Jim’s seat on the other side of her bed before asking,  
  
“Why are you here, Will?”  
  
Will didn’t lift his gaze from Mac’s face as he answered.  
  
“Because I couldn’t stay away. Charlie called me up to his office after he got off the phone with Jim.” His voice has a faraway quality to it as he speaks and it’s clear that he’s only thinking of MacKenzie.” He told me that Mac had been hurt so I just walked out and headed straight for the airport, someone booked my flight as I was in the cab. I couldn’t stay in New York knowing that there was a chance she could….” and he can’t finish the last sentence, can’t verbalise the horror of that thought that he might have had to live the rest of his life without her in it.   
  
Finally he lifted his eyes to meet those of her father.   
  
“She hurt me, I know she told you what had happened between us, but I’ve never stopped loving her. It would be like stopping breathing, it’s just not possible to do and still keep on living. I’m hers.”   
  
“And can you forgive her, Will?” It’s her mother now, and she doesn’t elaborate beyond that single question, and really, it’s the question he’s been asking himself for a while now.   
  
“I have to.”   
  
His answer seems to satisfy them both as they drift into silence. He knows that somehow he has to move past the hurt which, despite his love for her is still simmering below the surface. She betrayed him and it’s not something he can just bounce back from and get over. But he knows that he needs to give her another chance to explain. There were things in her emails that he never let her say and they’ve shaken his belief that she didn’t care. He knows that he reacted badly at the time, although he’s not sure how else he could have reacted to that news, he needs to at least try to make it right.   
  
The next few hours go by slowly. Her parents seem comfortable on the other side of the bed, talking softly together as they do the Times crossword so Will just sits with her hand held in his as he gazes at her. She’s older now he realises, more than just the two years that they’ve been apart, but she’s been through more than he could ever imagine in that war zone set of countries and come out of it the other side. There are more lines by her eyes and the softness he remembers has hardened into wiry muscle, not surprising given how long she’d been out there for. He couldn’t imagine that creature comfort food was easy to come by on army barracks’ and villages up in the mountains.  
  
The next time Mac woke up, her parents were away getting some food from the cafe on the floor below and so it was just Will beside her as she slowly came to the surface of being awake, coming up through the haze of drugs and pain. She blinked slowly, taking time to remember where she was. There was a gentle pressure on her hand and she looked down to see Will’s hand in hers, then up into his face and it was the same look as before.   
  
“You’re really here.” She breathed, still not really believing it. “Jim said he spoke to Charlie, did Charlie tell you?” Will nodded in response, reaching up to stroke his thumb across her cheek.   
  
“Is it ok that I’m here?” He asked, nervous of the response he might receive but Mac just smiled at him. One of her blindingly wide smiles that made his heart beat faster and he calmed slightly. “Your parents will be back soon, they just went to get something to eat. I can fetch them?” He was anxious to do whatever it was that would help but Mac’s grip on his hand kept him in his seat.   
  
“Can we just sit for a while? Just me and you?” Her voice is small then, part from pain and part from fear that he might leave and Will knew that was his fault. She had no way of knowing how he felt, not after how they left things and he was determined not to make anything worse now so he stayed where he was.   
  
Mac relaxed back into her pillows, happy for now just to be close to him. She’d deal with the rest later.   
  
By the time her parents came back she had fallen back to sleep and Will had crashed in his chair, his body was leant forward onto the bed and where his head was resting on the covers Mac’s hand had moved to cradle around with her fingers through his hair as if trying to keep him close.   
  
~~  
  
The next two days went by in a blur for Mac, she wasn’t able to stay awake for long and when she was the pain medication made her blurry and unfocused. After a while she settled into just laying and listening to the quiet voices around her. She could hear her mother and Jim talking about some of the stories they’d reported on over the past few weeks, Jim animatedly gesturing as he described the marines and the base and the people they’d encountered. Her father and Will were on the other side, talking politics and policy and arguing gently over sports, her father refuses to back down from rugby being the pinnacle and Will won’t betray his beloved Jets but they stay calm and she can tell it’s friendly.   
  
She had been so worried that her parents would somehow blame Will for everything even though she had been brutally honest with them about what had happened between then and why they had split. It made her happy to see them getting along like they used to and she let the sounds of the people she cared about most in the world carry her away into sleep again, smiling to herself. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It turns out that trying to write whilst watching Thanksgiving day football isn't super conducive to great writing, so sorry about that!!

Mac was in the hospital for seven days before Doctor Stauffer started to say that maybe she was getting close to being able to leave. The four of them had divided time up and made sure that Mac hadn’t been alone for long each day. After two days her father had bullied Will into going to the hotel.   
  
“You’ve barely slept since you left New York, you’re no good to her like this. Go and rest and then come back.” Will smiled at the way her father was playing parent to the three of them, even though he wasn’t really that much older than Will himself but he did as he was told. It was easier to leave now that Mac was getting colour back into her skin and was able to argue and grumble again, she never did do well at being sick and resting. They had tag-teamed for the next five days, keeping her occupied as best they could. Will had spent the least amount of time alone with her, there was too much to say, too much between them that needed time and space to work through. So he stayed away, making sure that he was always in the room with someone else as well or being there whilst she slept. It was easier for them both that way, Mac slept easier when he was in the room as she fell asleep and Will was able to try and work through his own feelings without needing to explain them to her.   
  
Jim had spent most of the days making calls to their friends still on the ground and getting their equipment shipped back to Atlanta as well as fielding calls from their boss at the CNN but eventually he was forced to make plans to head home. Mac was able to get up and about for short periods of time and so she got out of bed and pulled the younger man into a hug. They’d had a painful talk the day before where she had bullied Jim into telling her every detail of what had happened, her memory was patchy and his descriptions were enough to make her feel ill.  
  
“I can never repay you, you know that don’t you?”  
  
“It was….”   
  
“No. It was not nothing. You did everything I’ve ever asked you to do and a ton of stuff I’d never ask anyone to do. I owe you my life Jim.” His arms came around her in a cautious hug and she returned it as best she could, resting her head on his shoulder.   
  
“Now, you should go back to Atlanta. I’ll be back in a few weeks hopefully and we can see about producing some regular news!” He laughed at her statement and pulled back.   
  
“Try and stay safe.” He joked as he walked out as Mac laughed before clutching her side and remembering that laughing was something she should really avoid doing now.   
  
~~  
  
It was Mac’s mother that cornered Will as they ran into each other at the coffee machine a few corridors away from her room. Mac had started to come down from the high of the drugs and the morphine drip she’d been on had been slowly reducing each day, which meant that she was a lot more alert to her surroundings and as well as getting louder in her complaints to still largely being bed-ridden. If he was honest with himself then Will knew that he had been expecting this, although he definitely thought it would have been the Ambassador on point to give him a hard time. But it was Grace McHale that took his arm in a friendly way and walked him out of the hospital.   
  
It was brisk outside and he immediately regretted not grabbing a jacket at the airport as he stood there in just a cotton shirt and a cup of not great machine coffee to warm him up. Grace was cool as she stood facing him, her gaze unreadable and it was a long few minutes before she broke the silence.   
  
“What are you doing with my daughter?”  
  
It was blunt and threw him for a second, even though he was expecting the grilling. He wasn’t sure how he was going to come out of this, Grace had always been kind and friendly to him in the past but that was before the past two years of ignoring Mac and trying his hardest to hate her.   
  
“I just needed to make sure that she was ok.” It was a simple response but honest and he hoped that she would think kindly of him because of it.   
  
“Yes, and she is, and you’ve made sure. So I’ll ask again, what are you doing?”   
  
Will managed to meet her eyes but didn’t have an answer for her.   
  
“She did something stupid, no one will ever defend her actions. But she’s spent the past two years hating herself and having to live with how much she hurt you. She doesn’t need you to punish her for what happened, she does a good enough job of that to herself and it’s led to her lying here in that bed because she stopped caring about herself. If you’re not here to tell her the words she’s desperate to hear then you need to leave and let her get on with her life. I don’t care how much you got hurt.”  
  
For once Will was lost for words. Grace smiled sadly at him as he opened his mouth but then closed it again, not able to articulate how he felt.   
  
“She should be discharged tomorrow and we’re flying back to London in the evening. You should work out what you want, Will. She won’t wait forever.” Without waiting for a word from him she turned and left to go back inside and Will stood out in the morning chill for a long time before he turned on his heel and followed her in.   
  
~~  
  
Without Jim around to act as a buffer whilst Mac is awake, Will made sure that he only went back into Mac’s room as she was falling asleep that evening. He can feel Grace’s eyes on him as they pass in the doorway and he drops his gaze as he steps by them to sit by her bedside. They linger in the doorway but Will only has eyes for MacKenzie, he takes her hand and she smiles up at him already halfway to sleep.   
  
He stayed by her side for hours, replaying old memories and trying to understand his own feelings, It wasn’t until the sun had started to creep over the horizon and light the walls behind him that he managed to find some kind of peace in his thoughts. With a new sense of purpose he fished some paper and a pen out of his bag and turned to his words on paper as a way to speak to her. She had written him thousands of lines from thousands of miles away and he wanted to repay that to her. By the time her parents arrived back in the morning he was done, sheets of paper neatly folded in his hands as he watched over her. He handed it over to her father who looked at him curiously.   
  
“I have a flight booked back to New York this afternoon. Can you give this to her after you get her back home?”   
  
There was a pause as her parents exchanged glances but he reached out and took the letter, tucking it into the inside pocket of his jacket and out of sight.   
  
With one last, long look at Mac, Will turned and left.   
  
~~  
  
Mac was in a horrendous mood as she woke up that morning, her meds were barely making a dent in numbing the pain of the still healing wound and on top of that she woke up feeling like something was missing. It was only after Doctor Stauffer came in part way through the morning and pronounced her ready to be discharged that she realised she hadn’t seen Will. They hadn’t had a moment just the two of them to talk about anything, she still didn’t really understand why he was here but she’d loved being close to him again and she knew that’s what was feeling strange.   
  
“Where’s Will?” She asked, looking around for the sweatshirt and bag that were normally in the corner of the room. Seeing neither she looked to her father, trying to fight back ridiculous tears.   
  
“He left early this morning. Come on, let’s get you dressed and ready to go home.”  
  
Between the two of them, her parents managed to keep Mac reasonably distracted for the next few hours and it was only when they were sitting on the flight back to London that she allowed herself to think of him and cry. It seemed like tears were quicker to come now, whether thanks to the pain medication or just the lack of energy to hold them in she wasn’t sure. She stared out of the window into the clouds and thought of him, of the two of them together. She knew that he’d sat with her, sometimes for hours as she dozed on and off. Why would he leave? Why did he even come out there in the first place? She remembered his words, oh so clearly in her mind, the last time that they had spoken.   
  
_ “You’re sorry?! You decide to tell me that you’ve been fucking your ex-boyfriend and all you’ve got is sorry?!”  
  
_ _ “You need to leave. You need to get the hell out and never fucking speak to me again.”  _ and then as she had been walking out the door for the last time with her suitcase,  _ “Get the fuck out of my life.”  
  
_ He’d refused to look at her, the blue eyes and kind smile that had been a permanent fixture since they’d first started dating were gone and the man in front of her was someone she’d never seen before. Cold and stone-faced, he had turned away back into the apartment as she stood in the doorway, not caring about the tears that were pouring down her cheeks.   
  
She knew he hated her, knew that the hurt she’d caused had been awful and had broken him. The betrayed trust, the heartache, she’d seen them in his eyes as she’d tried haltingly to explain two years before. None of it had mattered, he hadn’t listened to her then and she didn’t think he’d listen to her now. None of which explained why he’d been there at the hospital though.   
  
As she dozed off against the window, tears drying on her cheeks she began to wonder if the whole thing had been a drug induced dream. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, but I wanted the letter to have its own space. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

It wasn’t until late the next day that Mac’s father, despite all his misgivings, handed the opened letter from Will to his daughter.   
  
They had arrived back to the McHale’s home late in the evening after flying into London’s City airport and by the time they walked in the front door MacKenzie was leaning heavily on her mother. It was more exertion than she’d put her body through in days and it quickly took its toll on her, she said some barely audible goodbye’s to them both before staggering upstairs and collapsing into bed and a fitful sleep. She woke the next morning tired and despondent and annoyed that the wound still pulled when she tried to twist or move around. She knew, logically, that it would be another week before the skin would be healed enough to no longer need attention and the same level of care and another few months before she would be back to her normal energy levels but for the moment she was impatient and frustrated at the world.   
  
Both parents could tell immediately that their daughter needed her own space and time and so wisely left her alone to her thoughts, checking on her quietly from time to time with a brief hug or hand to the shoulder as they went past her. She had settled in the kitchen, they had a huge bay window that looked out over the garden and past it to the rolling Surrey hills and Mac had been there all day, covered in a blanket and surrounded by cushions, staring out into the countryside.   
  
It was late evening and David McHale stood in the doorway to the kitchen watching his daughter. Grace had already gone to bed after a silent family, worried glances passing between them as Mac moved her food around on her plate, her mind clearly elsewhere. He walked over and perched on the end of the wide window sill, reaching out to take Mac’s hand in his.   
  
“How are you feeling?”  
  
“It’s fine, still painful but I can tell it’s getting there. Thank you for looking after me, Daddy.”   
  
Her voice was firm but small, and she looked more vulnerable than he ever remembered seeing, even after the events of two years ago. He was worried that what he was about to do would cause more harm than good. He hadn’t let himself read the man’s words but he was hoping that the Will he knew was kind enough to do the right thing, whichever side of caring about MacKenzie he had come down on.   
  
He drew out the folder papers from his inside pocket and put them into her hands. They were torn from Will’s reporters pad and she immediately recognised the scrawled MacKenzie on the top sheet.   
  
“He wrote this, the night before he left. I don’t think he slept at all after we left the evening before, and he handed this to me as we arrived. He asked that I hand it over after we got home.”  
  
She turned the papers over in her hands. There were several sheets together, folded into three but with no envelope.   
  
“Did you…..?”  
  
“I didn’t look at them, I promise you that. His words are all yours.”   
  
David stood to leave, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.   
  
“I’ll be in the den if you need me, darling.”   
  
He left and Mac opened the pages out, tears filling her eyes at the sight of his handwriting in front of her. It was messy and scrawled throughout, she could see where he’d changed his mind and crossed out sections, trying to get his thoughts in order. She knew this process, he wrote as he thought and then edited after each sentence, Mac smiled at the memory of his copy notes, always a nightmare for the teleprompter staff and often needing clarifications from Mac who had become adept at translating his reporter’s scrawl into readable english.   
  
~~  
  
 _Dear Mac.  
  
_ _I don’t even know where to start, not really.  
  
_ _You’re asleep now and I know you always thought it was creepy when I watched you sleep so I’m sorry, but it’s all I’ve got right now.  
  
_ ~~_I need  
_ ~~ _~~I want~~  
_ _I love you._ _There, I wrote it.  
  
_ _I’ve never stopped loving you. I don’t think I ever wanted to_ ~~_admit it_ ~~ _say it out loud, it was easier to hate you. Except that I never hated you. I wanted to, god I wanted to hate you for the pain you caused, but I never did.  
  
_ _It’s always been you Mac._ _  
  
_ _I didn’t read any of your emails or listen to the voicemails after you left. I need to say that. But when Charlie said that something had happened to you, the only thing I could think of was getting to your side again. Everything else just stopped. I think it was the wake up I needed, I just hate that it was something so awful as you getting hurt for me to realise what I wanted. I’m so sorry for that.  
  
_ _I told myself that I could never forgive you, that what happened wasn’t something that could be forgiven. But then I read your emails, all of them from the past two years. I read them all on the plane and I started to hate myself.  
  
_ _I ~~thought I was protecting~~  
_ _~~I needed to try to~~  
_ _I was wrong.  
  
_ _I should have fought for us. I should have let you explain and dealt with my pain in a better way. All I can say is that I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.  
  
_ _It doesn’t go away, but I’m hoping that it can stop defining_ ~~_me us_~~ _what we could have together.  
  
_ _I know we have a lot to talk through, I guess I’m just trying to say that I’m here, if that’s something you want to try. I want to try. I want to fight for us, if you’ll let me.  
  
_ _Please get well honey, take as long as you need._ _But if you want me, then I’ll be in New York waiting for you. There’s a home here that we can start to build again.  
  
_ _Yours, always  
_ _William  
  
_ ~~  
  
It’s been a hell kind of day. Everything that could go wrong, had gone wrong. Will had been snapping at people since he walked into the office after over a week of unexpected leave. They had him on with a three star general talking about something he can’t even remember now and his EP had been worse than normal so he’d removed his ear piece and continued the interview. Afterwards they’d had a screaming match in the bullpen in front of a lot of shocked staffers and Will stormed out of the building. Whiskey and a lot of cigarettes were doing a decent job of mellowing him away from the frustration and anger he’d felt towards Keefer but they weren’t able to dull the ache he felt at being away from her.   
  
He hoped that by now her father had passed on his letter, but he honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if the man had just burnt it rather than give it to her, and Will couldn’t really blame him if he’d made that choice.   
  
He ended up still sat on his balcony at 2am, staring up at the stars as his phone played some soft bluegrass into the night air. His phone chirped at him which he was happy to ignore until he realised that it was chirping continuously at him. He blindly reached down for it and answered it automatically, holding it to his ear.   
  
“Will.”  
  
There was silence on the other end of the phone.  
  
“Hello?  
  
“Hi Billy.”  
  
The voice was soft and gentle and exactly how he remembered.   
  
“Mackenzie.”   
  
He breathed her name with a reverence that he didn’t know he possessed. They sat in silence for a moment before she spoke again.   
  
“Did you mean it?”  
  
Will wasn’t able to stop the slow smile spread across his face and he breathed a quiet sigh of relief.   
  
“Every word. I love you Mac. I’ve never stopped loving you.”   
  
He can hear the laboured breathing down the phone from her, and he knows her well enough to know that she was trying to stop herself from crying.   
  
“Did you read it all?”  
  
“Every word. I just needed to hear you say the words.”   
  
“I’m so fucking sorry Mac. For everything.”  
  
“So am I, Billy. But, maybe we can work this out?”   
  
“I’ll be here waiting. Please come home.”  
  
She could hear the plea in his voice and it lifted her heart like nothing had been able to in the years since they’d been apart.   
  
“I’ll see you soon, Billy. I love you too”  
  
He heard the click of the call as she hung up and the jazz music carried on playing. He rested the phone on his chest as he lay in the reclined chair and closed his eyes, letting the music wash over him and he replayed the words again and again in his head.   
  
_“I’ll see you soon, Billy. I love you too.”_  
  
For the first time in months he drifted off to sleep smiling.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, last chapter for this! 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me as I got this out of my head and onto paper/screen. I've not written fanfic in a long time so I feel rusty but this was a lot of fun to write and the love and comments have been wonderful. 
> 
> Now I'm off to read my copy of Don Quixote that turned up a few days ago :)

It was early in the morning when Charlie received a call from a number he’d been hoping to hear from.   
  
“Well now,” he said as he picked up, “how goes the walking wounded?”   
  
There was a laugh from the other end.  
  
“Thanks Charlie, you really know how to compliment a girl.”   
  
Mac’s voice was light and happier than he’d heard it in a long time.   
  
“I mean it though kid, how are you doing?”   
  
“I’m, you know what I’m ok. I take it that Jim told you what happened at the time. Well, it’s healed pretty well and my doctor seems happy with everything. I’m actually getting ready to come home, I just wanted to check in and say hi.”   
  
“I should think so! It’s been weeks and I can’t get anything out of Will other than you came through surgery ok. I had to call that producer of yours to get any actual information.”   
  
Charlie was mock indignant and it made Mac smile, she’d missed his jibes and comments at work, the months with him and Will had been great whilst it had lasted. His voice cut across her thoughts,  
  
“Are you staying with CNN?” he asked carefully. She could hear the tone in his voice but decided to humour him.   
  
“At this point, I guess so? It’s not like anyone else is lining up” he snorted down the phone but she ignored him, “to take me on. I just wanted to come home and see what was around. I think I want to get back into the studio, you know. Start producing some news that actually does the job it’s supposed to.”   
  
“I can make some calls if you like, see if there’s anything going on the east coast?”  
  
“Sure thing, I’d appreciate that.”   
  
“You just keep getting well. When are you flying out?”  
  
“In a week, I thought about coming into New York, think I’m done with DC. I’ll come and say hi?”  
  
“I’ll take you for lunch. See you soon kid.”  
  
Mac grinned, maybe her future was more secure than she had thought. She called Jim and her boss at CNN. Rob was understanding and let her go without a fuss, although given that he only had a tentative contract with her now there wasn’t much to keep them working together. Jim was overjoyed to hear from her again, they’d kept in contact a little as she stayed with her parents but not regularly and they were able to catch up on a lot. He had managed to get their gear shipped back to Atlanta including all of their personal effects from the base, neither of them had taken much out with them and had been fully prepared to lose them so it was lovely knowing that they would be sent on.   
  
“How are you doing?” Jim asked her, after they’d caught up on news from their friends in the marines.   
  
“Pretty well. It’s healing as well as they expected it to and I don’t get so tired anymore just trying to go for a walk.”   
  
“I’m really glad to hear that Mac. You scared me, you know.”   
  
“I’m sorry Jim, for everything. I should have listened to the guys we were with and not been so bloody idiotic. And, I wanted to say thank you. You were more than I ever could have asked for out there, and then you were the veritable knight in shining armour after. Thank you. For making the calls that must have been hell to make, and for being a good friend.”   
  
“You’re not mad that Charlie didn’t keep it to himself? I know it was kept out of the news but still, I didn’t know how much you wanted it kept to a small group.”   
  
Mac knew what Jim was skirting around and almost began to pour her heart out to him before she pulled herself up. Whatever had happened, he was still her staff, and she didn’t even know what the situation would end up being between her and Will, so she just nodded.   
  
“I’m not mad, Charlie did what he thought was right and to be honest it probably helped at the time having him there. I’m pretty sure I was high as a kite on some days and completely out of it on others so him being around would have made my brain shut up a lot and I’m sure that was welcome for everyone else.”   
  
They laughed at that and Jim didn’t push it further. He knew from watching them both in the hospital that something was if not going on then being worked out between them. It hadn’t been hard to reconcile the idea of the guy in the hospital with the ex that Mac had morosely talked about on the nights they’d been drinking with the marines. She’d never opened up fully on what had happened, just taken all the blame on herself. He hoped that for their own sake they could work it out.   
  
~~  
  
A week later and Charlie’s assistance called through that his lunch appointment was waiting in the lobby of the ACN for him. He folded his hand in disgust, pocket sixes with one in the river, and pulled up his calendar, shouting through the door to Angela in frustration.  
  
“Why does this damn thing never do what it’s supposed to?! It says I’m having lunch with Leona again. Am I having lunch with her again? I need at least three days notice and a lot more scotch to deal with that!”  
  
Her voice floated back, amusement tinged with resignation.   
  
“You’re looking at last week’s calendar view, you need to click the little arrow on the right hand side to move it to this week.”  
  
There was a pause before a quiet “oh” came in response.   
  
“Well, I guess I better go and take her for lunch!”  
  
Arriving down in the lobby a few minutes later, Charlie swept MacKenzie up in a huge hug before quickly releasing her and looking at her with concern and a hint of fear.   
  
“Shit! Mac! Is that ok? Are you ok? Did I hurt you? Should you even be standing?” Charlie started looking wildly around for a seat before Mac caught him arm and began to lead him out of the building.   
  
“I’m fine Charlie, although the over-protective attitude might get old after a while.”  
  
She smiled at him, exasperation on her face.   
  
“The skin’s healed now, so I just need to take it easy and not jump into any more active war zones for a while and I should be fine. It’ll keep twinging for a while I guess, so no gym classes for the next month or so.”  
  
They were standing on the busy sidewalk but he pulled her into another, gentler hug.   
  
“It’s good to have you back.”  
  
“It’s good to be back.”  
  
It wasn’t until they’d finished their lunches, sat at a bistro table a few streets away from ACN that he broached the subject.  
  
“So, I made some calls. You still want to produce some good old fashioned factual news reporting?”  
  
“Of course. Does someone have an opening?”  
  
“Well, yes. With us.”   
  
Mac looked at him in surprise.   
  
“Come back to ACN? Charlie, is there even a job going there? From what I hear you’ve got some good teams going, who’s looking to leave?”  
  
“We’re shifting a new guy, Elliott Hirsch to 10 o’clock. One of our EPs, Don Keefer is going with him and is taking some of his staff with him.”  
  
“I know Don, he’s a good guy. Who’s he leaving?”  
  
“Will.”  
  
Mac laughed outright at that.   
  
“Charlie! You know as well as I do that I can’t just come in and start being Will’s EP again, at least not with a conversation with him. He’d never go for that.”   
  
Charlie studied her as she replied to him, trying to see if she was hiding emotion behind her words.   
  
“I don’t know what I know anymore. But I want to turn on my fucking tv and see some goddam news for once. I’m the president of an entire damn network and I don’t know when I last saw something worth reporting on. I want us to decide to do it better, but I need the right EP and anchor for that. I have the anchor and now I just need you.”  
  
Mac sat and stared at him, momentarily speechless. Charlie just smiled at her as he waved the waiter over and paid the check.   
  
“Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”  
  
They left and headed away from the studio and towards 5th Avenue, Mac didn’t pay much attention to her surroundings until he opened the door for Barnes and Noble and ushered her in.   
  
“Charlie….” He held up his hand to stop her as he walked into the shelves, fingers running across the spines as he searched for the right area. Eventually he stopped in the classics section and pulled a large volume down. He handed it to her, smiling that oh so charming smile of his.   
  
“Do me a favour would you and read this, then let me know what you think. I really think we could do some good Mac, and I think you can both do that together.”   
  
He put both of his hands on her shoulders for a moment, smiling down at her before heading out and back to the studio. Mac looked down at the copy of Don Quixote she was holding, utterly confused.   
  
~~  
  
The next evening Mac came back to the ACN studios, she wanted to watch Will live on air at 8pm and see what exactly he had let his show become. She had studiously avoided catching any of his broadcasts in months, the sound of voice too painful to listen to whilst she was away and then once back in London it felt too much like a dream. She managed to arrive just before they went live on air so Will had no idea that she was there, she sat for a while in the bullpen watching him on screen before walking quietly into the back of Control to perch on a desk and observe.   
  
It was immediately clear to see that he and Don had issues, they were polite and amicable together but there was just something missing. There was no fire, no comradery between the two of them and it jarred for Mac. There should be something between the EP and the anchor, even if it was something that couldn’t be explained. Without it, broadcasts just fell flat.   
  
There was a brief break and Mac managed to grab Don without him broadcasting it to the studio. He jumped when she took his arm but when he recognised her he pulled her immediately into a hug.   
  
“It’s great to see you! What are you doing here?”  
  
“Oh you know, just stopping in to see Charlie and thought I’d drop by. Who do you have next?”  
  
“Some republican jerk-off who voted in favour of pushing through an immigration bill in Arizona last week. Our democrat pulled out so we just have him and Will in the next segment.”  
  
She gestured for a headset from the sound crew and looked questioningly at Don before he shrugged and nodded. Putting the headphones on and flicking the unit switch on she began to speak quietly.  
  
“So, are you going to let the next guy walk all over you like the rest of your guests have been tonight?” Will’s head flew up so fast that she almost laughed. “Careful now Billy, you’ll give yourself whiplash.”  
  
“What are you doing here?” He asked, staring into the monitor ahead of him, knowing that she was there on the other side.   
  
“60 seconds back.”  
  
“I just thought I’d pop in, I was seeing Charlie anyway, and you haven’t answered my question.”  
  
“No one’s been walking over….”  
  
“Bullshit. That bill is a joke and you know it as well as I do. You can at least go into it and force him to give you some real answers.”  
  
She watched in satisfaction as Will straightened imperceptibly in his chair. He shuffled his notes and glared at her through the screen.   
  
“Well, now you’re just glaring at yourself. Good show, Billy.”  
  
The rest of the show was like watching a super-charged version of Will. He was ruthless and demanding of his guest whilst keeping it civil and polite. He didn’t let the guy get away with stock answers and forced him to play hard ball with the more unsavoury aspects of the bill. Mac watched it unfold before her with a smirk on her face, this was the Will that she remembered, this was the anchor he was supposed to be. Uncompromising in his search for the truth and giving the electorate the information that it needed to make informed decisions on who they should support.   
  
She left Control before the end of the show and made her way to his office, the windows overlooked the busy street and she stood and watched the world go by until he appeared in the doorway. As soon as they were off air Will ripped the earpiece out of his ear and left it on the desk for someone to deal with before walking as calmly as he could through the bullpen. His office door was closed and the light was off but he knew she was inside. He steeled himself before pushing the door open and leaning against the frame to just look at her.   
  
She stood by the windows, lit by the street lights and building advertisement signs and his words caught up in his throat. The last time he’d seen her she’d been lying in that bed and now she was here in front of him.   
  
“I didn’t realise you were in town.”   
  
She turned to him, smiling slightly.   
  
“I had lunch with Charlie yesterday, and I’ve been sorting out an apartment.”  
  
“You’re moving here?”   
  
His voice betrayed his shock and he wasn’t able to act as nonchalantly as he would have liked.   
  
“I had a job offer, I’ve always liked New York so it seemed like a good time to make the move. Plus, you know, there were a couple of other reasons that made the city attractive to be in.”  
  
Will’s smile slowly spread as he took her words in. He stepped into the office and moved behind his desk, taking his tie off. He needed the distance from her for a moment, needed to try and calm his breathing and let the adrenaline at hearing her voice in his ear calm down.   
  
“You did a good job with that guest, made me remember the old days of Will McAvoy.”   
  
The pride he could hear in her voice made Will quickly stifle a grin, but he couldn’t stop the warm feeling in his chest at her words. She made him better, she had always made him a better man and anchor and he had missed her. Looking up at her his gaze softened.   
  
“It’s really good to see you. You’re looking less like someone that was grown in a dark and damp place.”   
  
That made her laugh and she stepped towards him, reaching up to smooth the lapels of his jacket.   
  
“Thanks, that’s good to know.”   
  
The stood in silence, eyes locked as her hand rested on her chest and gently he drew her into his arms. She stepped into them and laid her head against him, releasing the breath she’d been holding. It had been too long since she’d felt the security of his embrace around her and she didn’t ever want to leave it.   
  
“I was so fucking scared.”   
  
Will’s voice is barely audible but she hears every word and it’s a strange feeling of pain knowing what she put him through and warmth at the care for her she can hear in his words.   
  
“When Charlie passed on Jim’s message, they didn’t know if you would make it through the surgery. I had to get there, had to be there with you. I couldn’t let those words be the last you’d hear from me.”   
  
His voice broke as he tried to get the words out and Mac could feel the tremors as he replayed that moment, thinking that she could have died.   
  
“I’m glad you were there. You made me feel safe and like I was going to be ok, at least until the drugs started to wear off.”  
  
“And after they wore off?”  
  
“Confusion mostly. I didn’t know what to think, didn’t know what you wanted or what it meant that you’d traveled all that way to be there.”  
  
Will stepped back so that he could look into her eyes.  
  
“I meant everything I wrote in that letter to you. I love you. I’m gonna be in love with you for the rest of life. There’s no way out of that, that’s just a physical law of the universe. I want to fight for us, Mac. Is there an us? Can there be?”  
  
She looked up at him and the Will in front of her was the most vulnerable she’d ever seen. There was pain in his face but also the love in his eyes that she hadn’t seen since before that awful conversation and it drove her to tears. She couldn’t get the words out so Mac just nodded at him and reached up to twine her arms around his neck and stepped back into him. His arms wrapped back around her and he pressed a kiss to her cheek as he held her tightly.   
  
“Thank god.” 


End file.
